Leave Lindsay Alone

Lindsay Lohan's plights have been a media fixation for a while now and have come to a head this week as the actress was finally sentenced to jail time and then promptly bailed out. The girl has undergone a whole lot of hell under public scrutiny, and the continued coverage of her arrests and court drama and rejection from many Hollywood parties has been the fodder of plenty of gossip.

But why do we care about this? What does Lindsay Lohan's jail time have anything to do with her acting? Sure, her drug and alcohol habits may play some role in the actress's career but since when is that a new thing? Celebrities and artists (can they possibly be one in the same?) have been suffering from addiction for years of recorded history.

Lohan is not the only celebrity to be in trouble with the law, not even in the past couple weeks. But when Nicholas Cage was arrested on a domestic abuse call, the media barely made a dent in discussing this issue. Doesn't it seem important that a major Hollywood actor is hurting someone other than himself (cause Lohan appears to be mostly in the business of self-destruction).

Lohan fell early, and she's wasting the fame and sex appeal she cultivated on mind-numbing partying which can only be symptomatic of an actual problem. There's no way she's happy. And the media frenzy certainly isn't helping her. But part of Lohan's appeal as a paparazzi magnet is that she is young and female and not so hopeless as Charlie Sheen and other older male celebrities (like Russel Crowe) who famously lose their shit over small details.

Think back several years ago to when Lohan was being compared to Hilary Duff in their fight over Aron Carter. She was disney-fied and safe like her untarnished counterpart whose hair color is the most contested aspect of her public personality at present. Back in the day, Lohan starred in the 1998 remake of The Parent Trap, coasted along the Disney star track for a while. Then she made Freaky Friday with Jamie Lee Curtis in and most winningly as the protagonist of Tina Fey's generation-defining Mean Girls. Lohan had a lot of promise. And then she started making horror movies about dead teen strippers and garnered attention for her questionable lifestyle and arrest record.

Maybe Lohan will go the way of Winona Ryder who did not completely disappear but continues to act even though her career suffered a blow from her shoplifting scandal. Ryder's relevance to the public and the movies she's in suggest that she's a fallen star, but at least she's working. Still I'd like to think that there's hope for yet another of Hollywood's headcases and that maybe Lohan could by the end of all the drama, become a better actress and actually succeed even though so few seem to be rooting for her.

GaGa gets God-y

Embracing both sexuality and the church isn't something most mainstream, non-Christian, pop stars choose to do. But Lady GaGa is all about getting away with what nobody else could (til she came around), and "Judas," her second single off of her upcoming album "Born This Way" is no exception. It's pretty darn sexual and christian with lyrics ranging from "Jesus is my virtue" to a line where she suggests wearing an "ear condom," whatever that should mean.

In "Judas", GaGa sings about falling for the bad boy, choosing to frame the entire song as a biblical reference to Judas Iscariot, known for his betrayal of Jesus. She sings that she is "still in love with Judas" even though she knows he's bad for her. She references the betrayal, singing "Forgive him when his tongue lies through his brain/ Even after three times, he betrays me." Then in the chorus, she calls herself a "holy fool" but the lyric is easily misconstrued to sound as though she is saying "I'm just a horny fool."

"Judas" was met with a backlash from several Christian groups and this is of course not the first time she's done something to upset Christians. The singer first combined Christianity and sex in her video for "Allejandro" released last summer.



The content of the song itself, as with the rest of her discography before "Born This Way," has nothing to do with religion, and everything to do with men troubles. However, in the video she appears as a nun, deep throats a rosary, wears a bright red cross on her crotch; oh, and she mimes both hetero and homosexual bedroom practices with her entourage of remarkably gay backup dancers: built up men clad solely in tight leather shorts.

Another publicly Christian pop star, Katy Perry, took issue with the blend of sex and religion as used in the "Allejandro" video.

In February, GaGa released her first single for her upcoming album of the same title, "Born This Way." The song is her first blatant lyrical reference to religious beliefs. At the beginning, she says "It doesn't matter if you love him or capital H-I-M." This song tackles sexuality mostly in its embrace of queer culture "no matter gay, straight or bi, lesbian, transgendered life/ I'm on the track baby."

Gaga's video for "Judas" will depict her as Mary Magdalene, an echo of Madonna's 1989 video for "Like A Prayer."

Madonna's video includes imagery of burning crosses and gospel choirs and of course, a black jesus to whom Madonna appears to be attracted. Although today her outfit would be modest for a music video, the skintight spagetti strap (straps that she allows to slip as she shimmies) dress she wears was probably a bit provocative about 20 years ago. Funnily enough, what the Vatican criticized Madonna for was her portrayal of jesus as black.

"Like A Prayer" seems to be the only precursor to GaGa's blend of religion and in pop music. The song neatly ties the two together, as Madonna sings "When you call my name/ It's like a little prayer/ I'm down on my knees/ I wanna take you there." Although getting down on her knees has a clear double meaning that's actually applicable to church, it's pretty clear that "I wanna take you there" is really just referring to giving the guy head. In the video that guy would be jesus.

Something about pairing these images of the Christian church with all this sex seems to be read as simply exacting shock value, but GaGa for one (ok, Madonna has definitely bounced from religion to religion) is a Catholic girl. Why can't she incorporate it into her pop music without inciting backlash? When Christian groups try to censor others' interpretations of the bible, they're not doing themselves a favor. As far as I'm concerned, GaGa's social liberalism combined with religious imagery is the best representation of Christianity I've seen in a while. 

"Castle" Ignores Racial Issues of NYPD

Although it makes the Most Popular category on Hulu week after week, ABC's Castle doesn't get much attention from the media. The show has generally been ignored by critics, although it's been snubbed by the New York Times and most discussions of the show are really just fans with little critical input. The show isn't meant to be taken too seriously though.

Castle is definitely a guilty pleasure, and its star Nathan Fillion of Firefly fame is probably one of the biggest draws for many a viewer. Episodes tend to follow a simple formula of sexy, sassy, smart Detective Kate Beckett interviewing suspects in a new murder case and which results in a neat solve (typically the killer even confesses within a couple minutes of interrogation, always at the end of the episode). What distinguishes this crime show is that the episodes are pretty much written in homage to the tradition of the crime paperback, always quirky and with unexpected twists. In fact, the episodes could probably have been written by Nathan Fillion's character, bestselling mystery novelist Richard Castle. The premise of the show has him tagging along with the lady Detective for "inspiration."

For a show about crime in New York City, the murder victims tend to be pretty white and pretty upper middle class, as do the murderers. In that way, the show's writers skirt around racial tensions by avoiding them completely which means they never reinforce stereotypes they probably don't want to endorse.

This week's episode, "Law & Murder," is an exception to the show's typical avoidance of racial issues. However, it is not a good example of dealing with the ever so controversial subject, especially as it is embroiled in the legal system in New York City, where cops and minorities have such a fraught relationship. The messages the show sends are clearly liberal in intent, but that doesn't mean they're educated. One witness repeatedly describes a suspect as "a big scary black guy" which clearly implicates his ignorance, but never do any of the show's leads comment on this atrociously racist characterization.

The result of the episode is that a black suspect is cleared of murder charges for the death of a trust-fund princess whose coked out brother accidentally shot her and framed the carjacker who took a joy ride with the shiny expensive abandoned car. So, in the end, there's some racial stereotypes sneaking in cause what blue collar black guy with a crime record doesn't just hop on in when a fancy car beckons?

Again! Again!

Remember over ten years ago when Hugh Jackman was all sexy and clawed and beardy in that first X-Men movie and the sequels preceding it. And that total mess X-Men Origins: Wolverine that came out two years ago? You probably thought you'd seen the end of that franchise.

However Perez Hilton confirmed today that the possibility of X-Men movies 4 & 5 are in talks. You may be wondering to yourself, why on earth Fox would resurrect a film series when it's been five years since the last in the series and the actors sure ain't getting any younger.

I'm pretty sure it's cause they're plum out of ideas. This theory is fueled by a number of other productions in the works. Over and over, creative risks are forsaken for unnecessary sequels and revamps of superhero franchises that came out less than ten years ago.

Superman: Man of Steel is set for release in next year, following 2006's Superman Returns. This time, Zack Snyder, genius behind such classics as 300 and Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole (of 30 Rock fame) is set to direct up-and-comer Henry Cavill as Clark Kent opposite Amy Adams who happens to be almost ten years his senior as Lois Lane.

500 Days of Summer director Marc Webb's The Amazing Spider-Man is also due out in 2012, written by the same folks who brought you the last batch of Spiderman films, the last one having been released in 2007. I'm pretty sure Tobey McGuire and Kirstin Dunst's famous upside down kiss is still fresh enough in our minds that this is completely gratuitous. Plus, really?? Recycling screenwriters?

All this is nothing but more evidence that the industry's getting sloppy. Earlier this month saw the theatrical release of Limitless, a Bradley Cooper vehicle about a man who takes pills that enhance his performance at... EVERYTHING. From watching the trailer it's not hard to figure the producers and screenwriters were supplied with a fair amount of coke in that pitch meeting.

Really, where have the good writers gone?

Glee Swallows More Than It Can Chew

 "Sexy" is the title of this week's episode of Glee, that incessant show with a bunch of twenty something musical theater actors playing high school kids and churning out autotune-heavy, Kidz Boppy covers of, erm, every number one song of the century (and making the number one themselves).

After last week's lesson on the dangers of teenage drinking, this week they tackled SEX! "Oh no, this is really scandalous stuff, and for a show about high school. So let's be preachy about it," These are the words I imagine must have been uttered in the writers' room before these teleplays were born.

The main flaw of this episode however is not the actual treatment of the topic, which is questionable sure, but the sheer overload of plot lines and sex-related issues crammed into a single episode. Gwyneth Paltrow came back to guest star, and both advocated sex ed and decided that she herself was ready for a real relationship, as she put it, one that lasts more than 36 hours. Guidance counselor Emma promoted abstinence; both at school and at home where apparently she remained a 30 year old virgin after 4 months of marriage. Her husband took her to Gwynnie to get sex advice.

What else? Oh, all the kids didn't know jack about sex, resident mega-ditz Britney still thought babies were delivered by storks. And to throw in some sexual identity issues, bitchy cheerleader Santana lezzed out and confessed her love for Britney. Huh. Kurt's friend/crush tried to tell him bout the birds and bees but Kurt acted like a 5 year old so friend/crush urged Kurt's dad to give him the talk. Aww father/gay son bonding. There was some discussion of how there's no discussion of gay sex.

Kurt's Glee club tried to sex up their routine for regionals which is a week away but nobody cares because teenagers are getting preggers. There were constant plugs for protection because we gots to avoid childrens getting knocked up and also STDs like HIV.

In a confusing train of plot, faux-hock bad boy Puck and his goth-ish booty call were going to make a sex tape until Gwyneth told them that's child porn and it's all like "oh, wow, I keep forgetting they're sposed to be under eighteen."

Puck and the girl also joined the celibacy club, because... it was unclear and I don't care. I think it was another of his half ass attempts to repent his bad boy ways. Just quit already Puck, you know breaking the rules is all you got going for you.

And Quinn got a hickey from Finn but oh-so-cleverly claimed she burned herself with a curling iron.

Ok Glee we get it. America sucks at sex ed and you're trying to do the job schools and parents across the country are failing at.

Surprisingly, there was no mention of masturbation, the most widespread teen sex ever. Nobody on TV seems to like this topic, it seems to lead to squirms rather than sex appeal and we all know which one of those gets ratings.

Just Keep Dancing

It's looking more and more like Britney Spears is poised for an actual comeback. "Till the world ends," the second single from her upcoming album Femme Fatal, was released Friday (and leaked Thursday) and the 4 minute pop song is Britney at her best.

This may have something to do with the fact that Ke$ha wrote it (incorporating her signature playful crudeness), along with producers Dr. Luke and Max Martin, responsible for the beat that makes "Hold It Against Me" (an otherwise lackluster single with Britney's typical contrived lyrics whose appeal rely solely on a pun. See "If You Seek Amy").




There's nothing original about the content of "Till The World Ends." Dancing and promiscuity in clubs  are the main theme in half of today's pop music. In November's release "Who's That Chick?" (not to be confused with "What's My Name?"), Rihanna sings "I just wanna dance/ I don't really care." Then of course there's Lady Gaga's "Just Dance" and "Telephone." And Usher's lyrics in "DJ Got Us Falling In Love" are pretty close to Britney's when he sings "so dance, dance like it's the last, last night of your life, life"

Britney has always been superbly generic- her voice is nothing special even with autotune and her lyrics are bland and indistinctive as are her melodies which are lucky to be catchy (and other times they're just irritating like "Circus").

But it's not as though the singer is responsible for her product. In fact, Britney Spears is the prime example of industry exploitation. At this point in her life, she's released a smattering of albums of varying quality, been through a couple divorces, popped out a couple kids, had multiple widely publicized nervous breaks and at the end of this year she turns thirty. The poor woman really deserves a hit album.

iTunes calls Britney's songs "bachelorette-party anthems" and I don't think they're wrong. Let's hope this album continues to make for great dance music seeing as, for Britney, that's a triumph.

What I like about "Till The World Ends" is that it abandons any notion of sentimentality ("Lucky") and doesn't try to be clever, or overly sexed up ("3") nor does it try for female empowerment ("Womanizer"). Instead, this song is exactly what it appears to be: something to sing along to in a swirl of alcohol and the lights flashing across a dance floor.